Why Is He Distant - When The Normal Won’t Work

Tried everything there is in getting a man to want you? Want some help without appearing overbearing, conniving, pushy, clingy or needy?

Are at that point in your relationship where you’re asking “Why is he distant?”, the same question millions of woman have asked at some point in their lives. He’s pulling away, he feels distant, he seems vague, he’s just not as into the relationship as you’d like. Let’s talk a little about how most of us women handle this problem, and why it’s the wrong approach.

Because you’re a woman you naturally go into attention seeking mode. I’m as guilty of it as the next woman. Hey, it’s been bred, and trained, into us since the beginning of time. You talk to him, you try to get him to talk, you ask endless questions. Maybe you are hurt, and you make darn sure he sees it. Or you unconsciously nag, pout or pick fights.

We never intentionally push, we feel him begin feel distant or pull away and we automatically react - the way we've been taught. These negative reactions have multiple negative outcomes. Usually what happens is we push him further away, and we end up using more "ultimatums and/or scheming" which drives him further away. He becomes even more distant and a viscous circle ensues.

We’ll go into what’s a better method in a moment, but first I have to tell you why this is not going to work, not ever.

Let’s go over what he sees at this point.

Yes, we’ve been taught that a man sees himself as a knight in shining armor and will swoop in and want to “take care” of you, to rescue you. But in truth, what your man sees is a “needy” clingy female and his relationship brakes go on. His “gut” says whoa boy, hold on here a minute.

I talked about a mans “gut feeling” vs. heart feelings, relationships brakes and accelerators in another article that goes into these things in greater detail.

For now, tattoo this on your brain; “needy - clingy behavior” NEVER - EVER - WORKS. I repeat, it never works and I can’t say this enough.

You’ve been taught, and you’ve been bred, to think that if you show him you are hurting, and that he caused it, he will immediately feel the need to “take care of you” and move the relationship forward. Well, you've been lied to...

What really happens is that his relationship brakes go on, and instead of being “taken care of” you find yourself asking why is he so distant. Why? Ladies it's because those relationship brakes have went on and he appears distant, because he is distant.

What’s a woman to do? 

What you need to do is get your man to remove his armor, one piece at a time. And you do that by appearing mature. You talk about what is bothering you, you talk about it rationally, and you talk about it ONCE and then let it go. And as hard as it may seem, you talk about in a way that you can’t expect anything back. I know, it’s hard, but it’s necessary. You talk maturely - You don't nag and come off looking clingy and needy. You avoid appearing manipulative.

By doing this you come off as mature to him because you appear able to recognize and rationally verbalize your needs. And you accomplish it by not appearing “needy”, or worse “pushy”, two immediate relationship brakes. You appear mature enough to not assume you know what is going with his emotions, you look confident enough to express you needs without expecting anything in return.

By being mature you get your man to remove his armor a little at a time. From there you begin connecting with your man on a deeper level, and instead of being distant he begins pulling closer. In no time, he is the one moving the relationship forward.

This mature attitude and behavior works whether you’re on your second date or if you’ve been together for 20 years. This attitude alone will not guarantee you get your big diamond wedding ring, there are more things a man needs to willingly move forward in a relationship. But it’s the best first step as it will show him you are worth pursuing, that are mature. And a mature self-confident woman is the type of women he will want to pursue.

Try this and I’ll bet you find yourself asking why is distant less and less, until the day he pops that magic question.